Ask a man: How Can I Avoid Being the Rebound?

Ask a man: How Can I Avoid Being the Rebound?

We started dating some guy that We came across on the web. The date was actually really great – I became certainly into him and then he revealed every indicator to be into me personally (the way in which he looked at me personally, those things he stated, etc.) At one point, he pointed out that he’s actually stressed at this time because he just split up together with gf of 10 months two to three weeks ago. I happened to be actually confused he really liked me! because I thought

From the beginning of the he’s texted me personally almost instantly and held conversations. Now it is been 2 days and I’ve heard absolutely nothing from him. I like this guy and feel there’s an association, but I’m afraid that if We pursue this I’m likely to turn out to be the rebound it doesn’t matter what i actually do.

Can there be a real way i might have a relationship using this man without me becoming the “rebound”?

We thought regarding your situation and you will find a few things we desired to touch on in my own reaction.

First, you mentioned he was really stressed after having split up their relationship of 10 months a month or more ago. You adopted that up with, “I became confused because we thought he actually liked me.”

Maybe I’m something that is missing, but his present split up along with his gf has nothing at all to do with whether or not he likes you. Just because he’s recently been through a breakup or mentions that he’s stressed does mean that you n’t don’t have one thing good between your both of you.

I actually do comprehend your concern though about being a rebound. This will be one particular conversations that we hear individuals dealing with on a regular basis. “Oh, she’s simply a rebound,” “She simply broke up, she’s interested in a rebound,” etc. etc. In fact, exactly what is really a rebound? After all, let’s look at this…

After all, all of us obtain the premise that is basic. Some body breaks up making use of their boyfriend or gf, they instantly date somebody else then somehow it falls apart or becomes a situation that is bad. But let’s actually have a look at what’s occurring right here: You’ve got a couple who’ve been dating for a time. They’re used to one another, they expect one other any one to be here and their day-to-day lifestyles are connected.

whenever a relationship ends, you can find all kinds of free ends and regions of life that wind up changing (based on how closely connected both of these individuals were.) The rebound takes place when the man or lady does not deal with the free ends and just seeks away another relationship to “shortcut” getting their life back in your order it had been in before.

I’m not only referring to finding an alternative gf who is able to prepare in addition to well as the very last one or perhaps is happy to perform some things that are same you the past one ended up being. I’m speaing frankly about the process of the man (or girl) searching them out inside themselves and recognizing the areas that are still raw… and then Home Page working.

Whenever a breakup occurs, i do believe most of us choose to kid ourselves into believing that we’re okay and now we have actually things all exercised… no healing needed.

I am aware I’ve had breakups where We thought We had been OK over time of the time, you We wasn’t completely back again to 100% until a complete 12 months later on. It wasn’t like I happened to be sulking in a corner for per year, but i might catch myself half a year after the breakup contemplating “unfinished business” or “loose ends” that still bothered me. The bulk of the recovery took place in the very very first thirty days . 5 (and most likely might have happened quickly that We required time for you to work every thing call at my mind and life style. if we had simply recognized)

My part of all this is that it’s as much as the man to out work his issues. There’s no chance to shortcut this for him and for you – he needs to complete it himself. Now, I’m perhaps not saying that there’s no way you could begin dating him. And I’m maybe not stating that that he can’t work things out if you start dating.

But i am going to caution that in the event that you start dating him only fourteen days after he separated having a gf of 10 months, you operate several risks:

1) You risk that instead of working things down in their brain and peace that is making the breakup, he can retreat from considering their material and perpetually be wrestling along with his ideas and unresolved problems. For as long from dealing with the issues he really needs to deal with as you are in the relationship with him, he will be able to distract himself.

2) You chance him running returning to their ex. Whenever some guy hasn’t had an adequate amount of the time to function his issues out, it is more than likely that he’ll go directly to the ex-girlfriend for starters explanation or any other. The key reason is the fact that with a new relationship, the unresolved stuff is eating away at him while he’s distracting himself. He’s not planning to bring that material up with you, but he could believe that if he speaks together with his ex it may cause some inner-resolution. And that’s a slippery slope…